frankly, this blogpost has nothing to do with the molest case I post before. And I write in english, simple because people don’t like to read english, only friends will read what’s going on. So, I usually write sensual  stuff in english.

I have been clean from any ‘western medication’ for more than 2 years.Since I am not drugging my body, I am sensitive about my body’s slight changes. I know when I start to get ill, how it goes worse, and how I get well. Similarly, I know when my soul get sick too. Busyness come first, then losing pace, then finding entertainment to fill hollowness, then suddenly go depress. Unlike the body, the sickness of soul can last really long, very enduring, if you know what I mean.

I am at the stage of depression.Lack of motivation, energy, ki, chakra, or in a christian sense, losing the connection of the Holy Spirit. Let me chase back what depressed me. For this time, the first pressure comes from the book I am currently working on, the deadline is crossed and it is still hanging in the air. Every time I contact the publisher, I panic. The second anxiety comes from the web radio I co-host, I give myself a very high standard and I cant reach that NOW. I know pressure make it worse, but I just don’t know what I can do. Pray helps. 3rd and 4th sources are bad comments. I was told from different sources that I let many people from my ex-churches down, as a servant. They hate what I said, my blog made them feel uncomfortable. I knew that and I used to take them lightly, but actually it is kind of a big thing for me. Who like being disappointed? I dare not to face and explain, because those are not my churches now, i have no place in those places. never again.

To continue count my pressure, the next thing should be the spam thing. Spamming me is an honor, but it is also a alarm that I am at war with some bosses being. I quit mocking Zac Koo and now I really get messed I guess. The shadow about being sued or reveal the real identity is always a nightmare for me, those are pressure too especially when I touch those shits of the Christian circle. revealing the molester did bring me some pressure, of being exposed. facebook page reaching 2,000 likes should be a happy thing, but for me, it’s just the beginning of another stage. I know it is silly to thing like that but… I DO thing i need to hold more responsibility, as I am having more readers and friends and enemies.

After finishing the current book, I decided to write another book, a book for Christians in struggle. I don’t know if I am called to do that, but I thing I am sure, there are hundreds of disappointed christians, struggling christians, ex-christians reading my writings, I do know how they feel, because I am one of them, even I am doing clerical work. My coming book is not anti anybody, but just sharing about how can we truly find God in the christian circle full of yelang.

17 thoughts on “break

  1. One thing to assure your next writing: I’m one of the struggling and disappointed christian who reads your articles. It’s definitely not an easy job in thinking critically and differently especially in Christian circles~ I appreciate your courage and support you, cheers!

  2. maybe you need to remember why you become a christian.
    it Must be because of the joy that the Lord gives you.
    That joy is your strength to go on.
    That love is your reason to go on.
    Pray for you.

    There’s always hope of getting better,
    because He lives in you.

  3. Oh come on, there are many things in life worth depressed over, but that radio thing certainly is not. Just be true to yourself, say what you consider worth speaking on, and have fun.

  4. BRAVO Do Chan,

    You have done exceptionally well in these essays. Just take a break, like I am also having a break.

    I have not been writing my own articles (apart from on-line letters to my reserved, special one) or even keeping close track of your articles since Christmas last year (2012).

    No offence . . . just that my soul is still deep down in the pits of the abyss and I still have a profoundly anguished heart – sob sob and sniff sniff >_<

    You know what I mean (we've met in person once in your party and I didn't eat anything). Keep praying for me, please !

    I could well have downright collapsed were it not that I could still trust in God.

  5. 無「amen 的請like 和share 出去」0分!

    On a more serious note, please rest well. I’ve always watched on with peanuts and rarely post anything. But I remember you once said it actually pains you each time you criticize the ridiculous wrongdoings of the church. The numerous events that has transpired recently must have been extremely painful and exhausting for you. It takes a great deal of courage to speak out against the higher powers and you have been fighting a tough battle.
    I would be very interested to read your book, please keep posting updates on that if nothing else. But a word of caution, writing uninspired is worse than not writing at all, just sayin’. Radio show has been done well too, very good mixture of truth with satire and humor.
    Please take care, brother in Christ, you’ve gone a long way in inspiring my critical thinking and sense of social responsibility. Hope you will be back soon to inspire many others.

  6. Stay brave, bro. I know how you feel. Been there myself. I’m so totally over it now. Take care. I know you’ve been working hard. Take a little break.

  7. Mother Teresa once said “Where’s my faith? Even deep down, there is nothing but emptiness and darkness …” …

    Evangelists use to claim they have the answers and live happily ever after. How shallow their faith is.

    If there is a God, He’s leading you on the right track, for that I’m sure.

  8. I am also a disappointed and lifeless Christian….Your writings do somehow encourage me as i know i am not the only one. Keep up the good work.

  9. you are not alone man
    although i am still not in my heydays with Him but you’ve picked me up bits by bits by sharing logical, sensitive and truthful thoughts.
    i am sure even in the midst of the desert, the every little foot-step we struggle forward, God uses as a guide for those who are still lost
    thanks for your effort

  10. You are not the only one bearing the pressure and the burdens; Jesus is bearing them with you. When I server the Lord and minister to His people, I often feel disappointed, frustrated and lonely. But God keeps telling me to be still in Him because I have to be connected to the power source before I go out and serve others. We are not running this race by our own strength and might, but by His spirit and truth. Bless you to be filled by His joy and grace every day, and use your mouth and words to witness Him and bless more people.

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