成鋼之路(#17)

我終於要承認一個事實:我的責任感很低,暫時來說,不是一個值得信賴的人。

哈?難道沒有人罵過你不負責任嗎?有的,但我聽不進。一直都聽不進。聽不進的結果,是卸責,委過於人,然後自己逃避責任。it sucks, isnt it?我回顧人生,我總是在趕 deadline,因為不想做嘛。我總是拒絕做難的事。而且,我通常都碌得過。所以,平心而論,我真係無試過盡力做好一件事。而且,我還 develop 了一套價值觀。我認為我用 20%力可以拿 60分,而用 100% 力是不會得到 100分,所以我一直都係出 20%力。這是 cp 值的問題,搏盡太痛苦了。

總之,我就係懶,沒責任心。這樣下去,會一事無成的。而我的心力已經耗盡,我只可以禱告說:主耶穌,我就係咁既人,我連點改我都唔知。

惰人看自己比七個善於應對的人更有智慧。

箴廿六16

(還有一點我想說的。好的基督教,會令一個發現了自己懶的人,接納自己,然後按著上帝的恩典臻善;壞的基督教,則會令那個人錯唔地依賴上帝,以為上帝下下會包底。sadly,我一直都信了一個壞的版本)

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13 thoughts on “成鋼之路(#17)

  1. I am a CD-Rom for a long time. From your recent post I sense a changing within you. Less arrogant and gain more TRUE humble. Yet, your fire and vision never die. Add oil, do what you must and you always have my support.

    1. I’m also a CD-Rom for a long time. But I think that he’s not arrogant or not humble or such kind. That’s not his problem.

      He is impatient. But don’t get it wrong, I’m not saying that one should be patient to those China communists, problems of mainland people and society, and problems in Hong Kong. No one should be patient to these damn stuffs. What I’m saying is, Mr.Chan is impatient to himself. As he has admitted, he is lazy. He doesn’t take responsibilities to work out a thing until the end of the end. He is not that kind of person who can work out a thing bit by bit. This is boring, and he felt annoying to this boring process. To put an analogy, mathematics requires a ton of patience to really work out a math problem, and most importantly, it requires one to look at the details really rigorously. And Mr.Chan is definitely not suitable to be such a math guy. He looks at the big picture while (probably unintentionally) overlooks the tiny gadgets.

      But that’s just what I guess and maybe I’m wrong. I don’t know him in reality after all.

      1. One more important thing as I think. Since this is his personal character, I don’t think it is wrong or such kind. He is that kind of person who always does a thing and then suddenly changes to another thing from what he currently is doing at the moment. Simply speaking, he is not a concentrated guy. He is dedicated, especially to the faith. But that’s not the same thing as being concentrated. An analogy is writing a computer program. You love writing programs, and you’re dedicated to it. You take a lot of courses, you read a lot of books, you write a lot of programs, you spend a lot of time in it. But when you’re writing program A and suddenly meet a bottleneck, you will change to write program B. And when you meet a bottleneck in program B, you’ll change to write program C….and so on. So at last, you didn’t write a program that is functionable at all. I think Mr. Chan might be this kind of person. He feels annoyed when encountering an absurd situation to be solved, and such solution will probably be found only by analyzing a lot of insignificant things, one by one, and then build up their relationship, and the final answer will pop up only after such a process. This is a problem of being technical in your manner. You have to be technical instead of just looking at the big picture and ultimate objective.

        But that may not be a problem. Actually there’re many works that do not require such concentration. For example, being a boss does not require you to be technical (but requires you to be visionery). It only requires you to choose persons to do the technical stuffs for you, and to choose them correctly.

        Perhaps Mr.Chan is afraid of losing his longsight if he looks at the details and technicalities too much. If it’s true, I have to leave the answer to God for an answer. He may lose the sight or he may not if he takes care of small details. I’m not sure.

        But I want to put a point also, although not very related to this post. Actually, being distorted by looking at big picture as well as looking at small details is a common psychological error (or bias). This is also the case for Christians. Humans tend to deal with all kinds of things using only big picture approach or small details approach. This will make them feeling more consistent to themselves. But in reality, it’s not good to deal with things like this. People should be situational. But this is not equal to be deceisive just like the Hong Kong Government. The Hong Kong Government only takes advantage of the citizens, and being situational is one of their favorite plays. We need not do the same here. We can still be situational without being so at the cost of the good.

  2. I think there should be a “method” to approach every problems, including those Mr.Chan are encountering in his pastor life (Online program, writing blog, and so on). It’s just that Mr.Chan seems not too believing in “method”. If he can do it more scientifically, he should be successful.

    1. yup, you are right about me, i am 100% not a math nor a prog. guy. BUT, i need to grow to at least do some simply math/ programming, in order to survive. right?

      1. Not exactly. You can practice math or programming, but not for survival. It’s for the training of logical thinking.

        Your criticism articles are based on your sense. Those articals are correct and pinpoints the problem in Christians, but it’s just because your sense is right, not because you use a sound logic (be careful, the logic of your article is correct. It’s just that you don’t use logic to analyze things, you use your sense only). It only happened to be the case that your sense in these issues “hit” the true logic behind them, but sometimes such an analyzing approach doesn’t work. I think this is one of the important reasons why you feel lost in some of your workings. When you emphasize on sense, you tend to be driven by emotions instead of reasonings. Your energy will be very sensitive to your emotional status. Different moments will give you different emotions as well as outcomes, and that’s very volatile. Sometimes you will be successful, but sometimes you will meet deep failures. Simply speaking, your performance will be very inconsistent. Your theory on the religion is not the problem. Your practice is also right. It’s just that your practice is not stable enough. Thus, you need to train to think logically while, at the same time, isolating your sense. This will help you stablize your performance by doing things scientifically rather than sensationally. It’s a somewhat neutrality approach to your workings, which can help you ignoring unhelpful emotions, which, as you said, will make you lazy or irresponsible or sth like that.

      2. I think using this sentence will be much easier to understand: scientific thinking helps you to discipline yourself. It’s not for your survival, but for a more consistent approach to problem and more stable performance.

      3. I’m not a typical Christian (or, well, I don’t know if it’s really important to distinguish whether I’m a Christian or not), so I don’t know how to put comments in terms of the Bible. But I think that, if God really wants you to do something (or you know what you will do for God), it’s not too important to do it really successfully. He can determine that. But it’s important to do it completely. You have to utilize 100% resources to do it, otherwise it’s not complete. It’s like writing an academic research. Your research is never perfect, but you still have to utilize all what you can utilize to complete it. If not, the academic committee will know that you only put partial things together and they’ll ask you to revise your research again, until your research contains 100% utilization of your resources (but still, as we know, research is never perfect, and as we know again, this issue is not very important since the academy already accept this truth). Maybe God just acts like the academic committee in this context…….well I’m not familiar with the Bible so maybe I’m wrong! Haha.

  3. 同意 Raymond Sakura 的見解。陳到先生,你要加油,要面對自己的性格,要知道自己有乜野錯失,去作出調整修改。
    我覺得你不算是一個超勁的人才,但亦都不是一個廢柴。只要不太自誇,也不太自卑自憐,踏實的去做事就好了。
    由今天起重新開始吧!

    1. 有少少o野想回應
      「要面對自己的性格」我認同,但「要知道自己有乜o野錯失」就……
      其實我唔覺得佢係錯,佢只係性格比較傾向於重視感覺而已,當佢做一D冇feel ge事情時,佢就會覺得迷失。但我唔覺得呢D係錯。
      遲D再補充,有o野忙。

      1. 其實我覺得,陳生ge情形其實有D適合用「錯配」呢個字眼去形容
        我ge睇法係,陳生因為敢作敢為,分析獨到 (雖然其實只不過係common sense,係而家個社會意識形態令到人思考能力退化而已),所以令人誤以為佢係一名領袖,於是大家都對佢有期望,但其實一個人思考力強,唔等於呢個人就適宜做領袖。做領袖好講究自律,但陳生性格唔似係咁。當然,假如陳生ge目標係要領導人去做某D事 (例如反共、教會事務等等),咁就唔同講法,佢一定要裝備自律力先得…….

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